I had heard about Sri Karunamayi, or "Amma," through a friend, and as a devotee of the Divine Mother in all of Her forms, I always welcomed the chance to have the darshan of a female saint. I came to the public program not knowing what to expect, curious to see what Amma would be like.

Her demeanor was serene, but she laughed and smiled easily, feeling completely at ease with her audience, as though she had known everyone for a long time. She seemed to be full of an inner bliss that bubbled over spontaneously, and as she smiled warmly and affectionately at those seated around her, her joy seemed to spread to everyone in the room. She spoke confidently in English for over an hour on topics ranging from the spiritual beauty of the Divine Mother to the importance of meditation, selfless service and compassion for all creatures. At times, when she felt her topic was too complex to discuss in English, she would switch to her native tongue Telugu, and Swami Vijayeswarananda would translate for her. Instead of feeling bored from not understanding a single word of Telugu, I found myself entering into a state of blissful serenity just from listening to the sound of her voice.

Periodically, Amma would pause in her discourse to lead the audience in a bhajan, usually one she had composed herself that illustrated her topic. Her sweet voice sounded like that of a nightingale; listening to her sing was like being showered with nectar.

When she asked everyone to meditate for ten minutes for world peace, I settled in for the usual battle of trying to quiet my mind. To my surprise, I found that for once my mind was peaceful and quiet. The recorded sound of Amma chanting the Saraswati Mantra led me effortlessly into a deeper state of meditation than I was accustomed to. By the end of the ten minutes, I could feel a powerful concentration of energy in the area of the third eye. I had always had trouble meditating, so I was surprised that simply sitting in Amma's presence had allowed me to glide so easily into a relatively thought-free state. [ Recordings of various mantras in Amma's voice can be ordered through the online Bookstore.]

I was eager to experience Amma's personal blessing, and as I came closer to her in the darshan line, my heart began beating harder in response to the palpable spiritual energy surrounding Amma. I was still feeling remarkably calm from the meditation, but as I came directly in front of Amma, something inexplicable happened and I unexpectedly burst into tears, not from grief, but from overwhelming joy. Nothing could have prepared me for this experience, and my mind could not comprehend the energy that was suddenly pouring through my heart chakra, as I felt that I had suddenly been thrust into a sea of bliss and love. In a strange way, I felt that I had somehow "come home," and that this spiritual bliss was the only true reality, not my ordinary day-to-day experience. I had lowered my head, feeling self-conscious and shy to be crying so uncontrollably in front of someone I'd never met, but then I felt someone's soft hands lifting my head up.

Feeling as helpless as an infant, I opened my eyes to see Amma beaming at me with indescribable love as she stroked my cheeks gently with her hand to wipe away the tears. Unable to speak, I mentally repeated the words "I love you…I love you…I love you." To my surprise, as soon as I became aware of these thoughts, Amma giggled sweetly and said "Love…love…love," as if she had heard my thoughts as spoken words. As I stepped aside to allow the next person to receive their blessing, my mind was reeling, trying to understand what had just happened….

Years later, after spending more time with Amma in the US and in India, I have come to understand that in coming to Amma, I had "come home" to the state of bliss that is everyone's true nature. Because of Amma's grace, I was allowed to taste a tiny drop of spiritual bliss, and as I continue on the spiritual path that she has illuminated, I can feel my consciousness growing and my heart expanding.

As a result of meditating on the Saraswati Mantra, I have become aware of a calm center within myself, so that the inevitable ups and downs of life have lost their power to make me lose my inner calm. The Saraswati Mantra has also brought forth certain latent capabilities, as an ability to forget myself in service to others has blossomed. As I travel further on the path that Amma has shown, I can feel the momentary spiritual bliss that I first experienced in front of Amma gradually beginning to shine forth permanently from my inner spiritual heart.